The Revelation

For months, Wooly and Erik Mitchell have been going on and on about “the project.” No one was sure quite what the hell they were up to. On my birthday, Wooly was drunk enough to let slip something about recording, so I figured it was some sort of album. I was right, sort of.

Below are the liner notes from a compact disc entitled “Project Tubbz.” *

“On April 1st, 2005, so-called New York fan Mike Kavanagh insulted Philadelphia sports fans everywhere…by pretending to be one. To prove his “loyalty”, he mockingly sang a version of “Fly Eagles Fly”; the fight song of the Philadelphia Eagles. We Eagles fans don’t take kindly to Giants fans, even in jest. The disc you are about to listen to is our response through music…

Over the course of this five-month project, we exhausted ourselves in the combined effort of ruining two of Mike’s favorite loves: The New York Giants and music.

We have taken Mike’s favorite songs and littered them with Eagles vs. Giants highlights, relevant audio clips. and personal barbs. subsequently ruining this music for Mike forever. Whenever he listens to U2, Mike will think of Merrill Reese; whenever he hears Phish, Mike will think of Brian Westbrook.

In closing, we would like to leave you with a fitting quote from one Mike’s favorite bands. who also get thrashed on this disc: ‘This is what you get. This is what you get. This what you get, when you mess with us.’ ”

In keeping with the spirit of good-natured ball-busting that this obviously was/is, I have only one response:

That should certainly sit better with you jokers.

*To explain, “Tubbz” has been Woolard’s nickname for me for over a decade - even back when I was still relatively thin. I never understood it until last night. Apparently it has something to do with the bathtub sitting in Erik’s parents’ backyard.